A Completely Normal Conversation: The Explosion
by rosetyler39
Summary: Another normal series of texts between John and Sherlock. Rated T for some mild language.


**Hello, sweeties!**

 **Well, short version... not dead.**

 **It feels like ages since I last uploaded a story. So what better way to come back than with a little sequel?**

 **A quick note on the one-shots: I AM STILL UPDATING. DO NOT BE CONCERNED. I just want to make sure I come out with a good chapter, and my classes were taking up a lot of my time. But at last, I am on vacation! So that ideally means that I will have a lot more time to write.**

 ***rubs hands together excitedly* It's good to be back.**

* * *

 **16:50**

 _Baker Street_

 _Now_

 _Urgent_

 _Emergency_

 **Read at 16:51**

* * *

 _Is it your idea of an emergency? Or mine?_

 _Dammit, Sherlock, if this is about the milk again, I swear to every deity in possible existence that I will strangle you with the intestines you've stored away in the refrigerator._

 _And what happened to your "infallible grammar and punctuation"? Put a bloody period at the end of your texts if your going to be an arse about it to me._

 _*You're._

 _Dammit_

 **Sent at 16:55**

* * *

 _Please_

 _Explosion_

 _Hurry_

 **Read at 16:56**

 **Incoming Call: John**

 **Missed Call: John (16:57** )

 **Incoming Call: John**

 **Missed Call: John (16:59)**

* * *

 _Sherlock Holmes pick up the damn phone_

 _Sherlock_

 _SHERLOCK_

 _SHERLOCK HOLMES_

 **Sent at 17:02**

* * *

 _Never mind. Mrs. Hudson has arrived._

 _There isn't any need to resort to all capital letters, John._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:04**

* * *

 _ARE YOU OK_

 _I'M ON MN WSY_

 **Sent at 17:04**

* * *

 _If I have translated your abhorrently spelled texts correctly, John, then yes; I am perfectly fine._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:07**

* * *

 _WHAT HAPPENED_

 _WHAT DID YOU DO_

 **Sent at 17:08**

* * *

 _I tried baking. The dish inside the oven unexpectedly burst, creating quite a mess in the oven._

 _Cake mix has coated the entirety of the oven's floor._

 _The dish containing it was made of horribly micro-fractured soda-lime glass. Mrs. Hudson is to blame for that; some sale at a cook shop or something._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:11**

* * *

 _Sherlock_

 _I just ran_

 _From Harrow_

 _To Enford_

 **Sent at 17:13**

* * *

 _Impressive._

 _But in the future, I would recommend taking a cab._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:14**

* * *

 _I am going to mutilate you_

 **Sent at 17:14**

* * *

 _But I made cookies._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:15**

* * *

 _What_

 _Why_

 **Sent at 17:16**

* * *

 _We had the available ingredients._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:16**

* * *

 _Did we? Or did Mrs. Hudson?_

 **Sent at 17:17**

* * *

 _It doesn't matter._

 _There are cookies._

 _Slightly burnt._

 _But edible._

 _There isn't any cake. That, as you know, did not end desirably._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:20**

* * *

 _How bad is the oven?_

 **Sent at 17:21**

* * *

 _Mrs. Hudson is cleaning it._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:21**

* * *

 _Tell her to stop_

 **Sent at 17:22**

* * *

 _She already started._

 _She seems very cross._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:23**

* * *

 _Well your making her clean out the oven that you destroyed_

 _*you're_

 _Shite_

 **Sent at 17:24**

* * *

 _Having trouble hitting the apostrophe?_

 _And what happened to punctuation?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:26**

* * *

 _Fuck off_

 _I'm not going to pay for damages_

 _Not to spite Mrs H but to teach you a lesson_

 **Sent at 17:29**

* * *

 _About what exactly?_

 _She insisted that she be the one to clean out the oven._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:31**

* * *

 _A lesson about decency and responsibility you git_

 **Sent at 17:31**

* * *

 _Commas, John, for God's sake._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:32**

* * *

 _I'm still caycung my breath after running FROM HARROW TO ENFORD_

 _Bloody hell_

 _*catching_

 **Sent at 17:34**

* * *

 _Your fault._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:35**

* * *

 _YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME_

 **Sent at 17:35**

* * *

 _So you stupidly decided that you had to run home?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:36**

* * *

 _OF COURSE I HAD TO YOU INEPT ARSE_

 _I THOUGHT YOU WERE HURT_

 _OR DYING_

 _OR DEAD_

 **Sent at 17:38**

* * *

 _Right._

 _Well I'm alive and physically well._

 _So sorry for frightening you._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:41**

* * *

 _YOU WERE BAKING A CAKE_

 **Sent at 17:42**

* * *

 _I feel as if you're shouting at me._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:42**

* * *

 _A CAKE_

 _YOU_

 _WHAT THE HELL_

 **Sent at 17:43**

* * *

 _Is that just sinking in now?_

 _Yes, a cake, John. As stated earlier: we had the ingredients._

 _And you like carrot cake._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:45**

* * *

 _Carrot cake?_

 _How the hell did you know that?_

 **Sent at 17:46**

* * *

 _You told me last year at my parents' anniversary celebration._

 _SH_

 _ **Read at 17:46**_

* * *

 _No I didn't_

 _I told your mother's friend_

 _Were you eavesdropping?_

 **Sent at 17:49**

* * *

 _Irrelevant._

 _There are still cookies available for your consumption._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:50**

* * *

 _Why did you do all of this?_

 **Sent at 17:51**

* * *

 _Update: Mrs. Hudson disposed of the cookies. She said they smelled chemical._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:55**

* * *

 _Crushing_

 _Wait what did you put in the cookies?_

 **Sent at 17:57**

* * *

 _Nothing. I had only used the baking sheet last week to host an experiment involving the use of bleach, the smell of which has obviously not worn off._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:59**

* * *

 _Did you wash the sheet?_

 **Sent at 17:59**

* * *

 _I ran hot water over it._

 _SH_

 **Read at 17:59**

* * *

 _With soap?_

 **Sent at 18:00**

* * *

 _We have no soap._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:00**

* * *

 _Anything else to add to my shopping list?_

 **Sent at 18:01**

* * *

 _I ordered dinner to be picked up at Angelo's. If you plan on running errands, stop there at 19:25._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:03**

* * *

 _Fantastic_

 _Thanks_

 **Sent at 18:03**

* * *

 _I detect a bit of sarcasm in your text._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:04**

* * *

 _Harrow_

 _To_

 _Enford_

 **Sent at 18:05**

* * *

 _Mrs. Hudson is running down to the pastry shop down the street._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:08**

* * *

 _To pick up cake?_

 **Sent at 18:08**

* * *

 _Yes._

 _Unless you would like to request something different._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:09**

* * *

 _Tell her that's nice, but not to bother_

 **Sent at 18:11**

* * *

 _Too late; she's already left._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:12**

* * *

 _I'm taking a cab to the Tesco_

 _Angelo's after_

 **Sent at 18:13**

* * *

 _Good. I'll see you in an hour._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:13**

* * *

 _Wait_

 _Why did you try baking?_

 _You, of all people, are the least inclined to throw on some heat-protective mitts in the name of leavened bread and icing_

 _What is going on?_

 **Sent at 18:17**

* * *

 _It is your birthday, is it not?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:18**

* * *

 _Yeah_

 _You remembered?_

 **Sent at 18:19**

* * *

 _Why is it that you always insist upon asking pointless and idiotic questions?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:21**

* * *

 _Don't ruin the moment_

 **Sent at 18:21**

* * *

 _Are we having "a moment"? I didn't realise._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:22**

* * *

 _Stop being a dick for a moment so that I can appreciate this rare sentimental gesture of yours_

 **Sent at 18:23**

* * *

 _It isn't sentiment._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:23**

* * *

 _You baked me a cake_

 **Sent at 18:24**

* * *

 _Correction: I attempted to bake a cake._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:25**

* * *

 _You baked me my favourite type of cake_

 _You remembered what my favourite kind of cake is_

 _You never remember pointless shite like that_

 **Sent at 18:27**

* * *

 _Yes_

 _Well_

 _It's your birthday._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:30**

* * *

 _So?_

 **Sent at 18:30**

* * *

 _So if I hadn't recognised it somehow, Mrs. Hudson would have boxed my ears._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:31**

* * *

 _Did she remind you that my birthday was today? Or did you remember?_

 **Sent at 18:33**

* * *

 _I am not obligated to answer such a question._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:35**

* * *

 _You remembered, you smug bastard_

 **Sent at 18:36**

* * *

 _So I did._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:36**

* * *

 _When I get home, I'm hugging you_

 **Sent at 18:37**

* * *

 _Don't._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:37**

* * *

 _I was a soldier, Sherlock_

 _I am a master at the art of stealth attacks_

 **Sent at 18:38**

* * *

 _People will talk._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:38**

* * *

 _You've never cared about that_

 **Sent at 18:39**

* * *

 _Don't you have dish detergent to buy?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:39**

* * *

 _And dinner to pick up_

 _Did you get me lasagne and prosciutto asparagus?_

 **Sent at 18:41**

* * *

 _Of course; I'm not a simpleton._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:41**

* * *

 _You even got me my favourite meal_

 _Should I be expecting a card and chocolates on Valentine's Day too?_

 **Sent at 18:43**

* * *

 _Shut up._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:43**

* * *

 _I love you too, you twit_

 **Sent at 18:44**

* * *

 _A joyous natal day to you, John._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:47**

* * *

 _"Happy Birthday" would have been just as good_

 _I'll see you in a bit_

 **Sent at 18:49**

* * *

 _One hour._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:49**

* * *

 _You'd better apologise to Mrs. Hudson, too_

 _And thank her for me_

 **Sent at 18:50**

* * *

 _No promises._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:50**

* * *

 _Please? For me?_

 **Sent at 18:51**

* * *

 _Fine._

 _SH_

 **Read at 18:51**

* * *

 _I'm really starting to like my birthday_

 **Sent at 18:52**

* * *

 **19:28**

 _Where are you?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:30**

* * *

 _On my way home_

 _I'm about to hail a cab_

 **Sent at 19:32**

* * *

 _Have you gone to the Tesco yet?_

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:32**

* * *

 _Yeah. Why?_

 **Sent at 19:34**

* * *

 _We seem to have run out of milk._

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:34**

* * *

 _Fucking Christ_

 _I should have known_

 _Dammit Sherlock_

 **Sent at 19:36**

* * *

 _Don't forget it._

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:37**

* * *

 _I'm trying really hard to hate you right now_

 **Sent at 19:39**

* * *

 _I used the milk to bake your cake._

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:40**

* * *

 _Fine_

 _I'll get more milk_

 **Sent at 19:43**

* * *

 _Fifteen minutes, John._

 _I'll see you soon._

 _SH_

 **Read at 19:44**

* * *

 _Right_

 _Cheers_

 **Sent at 19:45**


End file.
